I was super skeptical about how the Last Dance documentary would be layered in regards to Micheal Jordan. There's been a lot of "rah rah pep rally" types of pieces made on his airness already. Micheal Jordan's secret playground was one of my personal favorites as a child. My worries were centered around the idea that this could be one giant highlight package, with a light dash of personality from the interviews. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that type of product, it's just surface level. As someone with a basketball dad who lived through that period, I was exposed early and often to the Looney Tunes messiah.
This wasn't any sort of rah rah though, this was raw and powerful. The focus was genuinely directed to the Chicago Bulls organization top down. Of course you have to have a major focus on MJ, but director Jason Hehir captured almost every little thing that went into the best dynasty to ever grace basketball.
The pure insanity of how the highest level championship team from the 90's operates is what I loved. You see so many little nuances throughout the documentary that emphasize regular human qualities in the players, but you also see the superhuman qualities. It creates an atmosphere where anyone who's played team sports can relate to these 90's Bulls on a personal level, all while keeping this team's mystique and aura.
I mean, my guy MJ is smoking FAT cigars, gambling his ass off, running off to make tee times. He'll go out and drop 45 with those ashy ass lungs, and you can't do shit about it. That energy was kept throughout the series, but the simplistic locker room comradery and regular sports team tropes were displayed just as heavily.
The Last Dance made me appreciate the sacrifices you make to achieve excellence, but it also made me reminisce about the lighter moments. This series really had me missing those bonds you have with teammates. Whether you're best friends with some of your teammates or not, you see each other every single day and work together essentially. The brotherhood that develops out of working every day towards a singular goal with a group of 12-15 guys is the same on every level. Wins, losses, speed bumps, infighting, it's all part of playing on a incredibly competitive level.
What I really wanted to touch on was the nuances or little details that made this documentary exceptional. The unanswered questions you're left with created a fun opportunity for me to "analyze" the theories we were left with, and provide my incredibly out-of-pocket opinions.
Little nuances, conspiracy theories, and everything right with The Last Dance:
Dennis Rodman is always wearing pyjama bottoms
Seriously, almost every locker room shot from the '98 Bulls season, Dennis is wearing pyjama bottoms post practice/game. A man with multi-coloured hair who exlusively rebounds and defends like a maniac walks around in pyjama pants, just to ride off into the night on a motorbike with Carmen Electra sitting on the back. That could've been the entire premise of the series and I'd glue my eyes to the TV.
Dennis Rodman does not give a single fuck about doing anything besides doing Dennis Rodman. You have to admire someone to who was always true to his colorful self, played a role that no ones ever been able replicate as effectively, and is an honorary member of the NWO. If anything represents a lifetime achievement award for Dennis, beating on Diamond Dallas Page with a steel chair alongside Hulk Hogan might be it.
The food poisoning caper
Ok so here's the possible conspiracies on what could've happened to Micheal Jordan the night before Game 5 of the 1997 NBA Finals:
Micheal Jordan was poisoned by the one of the multiple pizza guys that appeared at his doorway that night. They realized where the delivery was going and made sure the Jazz would have an advantage the next day.
Micheal Jordan went out that night in Utah and was so severely hung over he appeared to be suffering from flu symptoms. Not out of the realm of possibility due to his gambling habits? One night at the 'nino is more than enough.
Micheal Jordan simply got the flu, the travel schedule you play under in the playoffs is rigorous and taxing on the body. The more you travel, the more likely you get sick.
Jerry Krause poisoned the pizza, that motherfucker. Knowing if they lost that year in the Finals, he'd have a reason to blow up the team and rebuild like he wanted. Scottie, Dennis, Steve, Ron, all shooed out the next season. Mike possibly sticks it out and plays until the early 2000's?
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going with none of the above. MJ did not order from a local pizza place, this man ordered from Pizza Hut.
PIZZA HUT.
He simply just ate some shitty ass pizza. I know that's a controversial take because NO ONE out-pizza's the hut. Eating an entire Pizza Hut pie the night before a game was the most outrageous gamble MJ ever made, my dude was asking for food poisoning. I don't believe there was any malice or intent of injury, I firmly believe that it was the last pizza an employee had to make for the night. Homeboy probably put the Hut seasoning up his nose and sneezed it out on the pizza. I can clearly picture this teenager on a closing shift being like "of course someones orders a pizza minutes before I'm supposed to go home", that pizza got no TLC.
Case closed.
Scottie Pippen wanting a hot girl summer
Delaying surgery because you "didn't want to fuck up your summer" has a huge energy behind it. The most outstanding part of the Bulls during this time period was that you couldn't tear them down, no matter what. You have Rodman on the stairclimber in pyjama bottoms after missing a bunch of practice for a vacation in Vegas. You have the calamity that was Scottie's contract. Jerry Krause will do absolutely anything to remain relevant. Mike is Mike. The pure talent, chemistry, IQ, and championship pedigree held these guys together for way longer than it was supposed too. Which makes all of this shit even funnier.
Space Jam makes a lot more sense now
The idea that Jerry Krause was the one operating moron mountain in Space Jam lines up better than your barber does. Also, it's technically a film about Micheal Jordan going 1 on 5 against Barkley, Ewing, Bogues, Bradley, and Johnson. Think about it, they stole all that talent. Mike has a couple of bunnies and Bill fucking Murray, and they came back from down 40. The whole movie was an extra pot shot at guys MJ had already smoked on the court. Elmer Fudd even got to dunk on these fools, and he hasn't hit a shot in EVER.
Everything to do with Steve Kerr
Steve's chapter of the series was maybe my favorite. You can identify with him as a human/athlete seamlessly, and he gave us one of the more important lessons in being a successful role player.
Stay present. Stay ready.
The man is a deadeye shooter, a career 45.4% 3pt clip. The volume of 3 balls put up in the 90's by anyone was minuscule compared to someone who's a "shooter" now.
(If I was shooting 45.4% from downtown, no one can tell me shit. I'm shooting anything and everything.)
He never knew when his next opportunity to fire one up was ever coming, but that isn't something he ever dwelled on. He knew where the ball was supposed to be, and the exact moments his team needed him to shoot it.
He was prepared, at any time. No matter if he shot it 10 times that game or once, he stayed present. His mentality allowed him to continuously knock down big shots over his career. His competitiveness allowed him to punch Micheal Jordan in the face; the only way to earn respect in the 90's.
The nuance of his chapter specifically was the fact he never spoke about the loss of his father with MJ; who had also lost his father. Steve's response to this question about discussing this with Mike had heavy "it wasn't my place" undertones throughout it. I firmly believe it's how he felt, because that's who Steve Kerr is. His own self-awareness allowed him to be an incredible teammate and role player, Steve has never looked for any attention.
It's the reason he's a good coach, it's the reason he was an exceptional teammate.
Stay present, stay ready, make your teammates the priority.
Every single time they hand Micheal Jordan the tablet
Whoever came up with this idea deserves a raise.
"let's take Mike's mortal basketball enemies and have them say their side of a story, film it, and let him react to it."
Nobel prize please. Only refuters are Gary Payton and Isiah Thomas.
Who released all of the "Jordan Rules" information?
Alright so, Sam Smith is the journalist who came out with the piece about MJ's bullying antics. He did not actually mention who were the people who fed him that information to write about.
Why? Well Mike might actually murder whoever the culprit is.
We can hypothesize again.
Horace Grant was the mole, it appeared that Jordan was the hardest on him specifically during that period. He also signed with Orlando after and beat MJ in the '95 Eastern Conference Finals, and was seen lifted up by his teammates post series victory. Horace having a vendetta makes honestly makes the most sense. He was the prime suspect with how the documentary was presented.
Phil Jackson released the info. He's been portrayed as an honest and open guy off the court, it probably didn't seem like a huge deal. He knew they could win a title regardless, the public didn't cancel people in the 90's like they do now. If anyone could fix the rift, Swami Phil would be that dude.
Jerry Krause, that snake. He hated winning titles and believing in his players so this could have been a ploy to separate the team. The team was receiving too much credit for winning games and Jerry needed to put a stop to it. The only general manager who ever tried competing for a league MVP. (Don't lie, this is exactly how it went down)
What's the real answer? It doesn't really matter.
The media are the real villains here. Sam Smith wrote what he was fed, and you can't argue with the product; an extremely successful book. Vultures hop on that, and the more the media digs and digs at star players, the more it dehumanizes them. Micheal Jordan is larger than life, and taking him down would've really been impossible. Pro athletes and celebrities aren't always big enough to survive something like this. It's terribly unfair to be held under a spotlight for being proficient at your craft, but for the same people who hold that spotlight to try and repeatedly smash the bulb. Shitty journalism is an epidemic, and this certain situation sparked the wave for "take down" operations on pro athletes for human mistakes. If you don't want NBA players to have an opinion politically and "stick to dribbling", maybe they shouldn't be required to answer to shit media coverage? Right?
Oh, and also it was totally Horace Grant.
How much weed is Phil Jackson smoking?
Phil has to be rolling mean spliffs.
I mean come on, look at how the man was dressing in the 70's and 80's. You're telling me this guy wasn't hitting the Puerto Rico peace pipe during the early years? Yoga and meditation are great practices to introduce to your team, but in the 90's that's an overtly granola decision.
It's the reason his general manager position with the Knicks was such a disaster. You think James Dolan and Steve Mills are smoking grass? Absolutely fucking not. Phil can't survive with those wonder-bread and mayo sandwiches wrapped in a suit.
Micheal could see Kobe's aura
"That little laker boy will shoot ANYTHING, watch out for him."
He says this sentence with almost a wry smile in the locker room at the all star game.
He knew.
Kobe challenged Mike any chance he was given.
He could smell the hunger on him. He wanted to let the kid eat.
Those little interactions all add up to one large passing of the torch, a shared mentality of obsessive competitiveness.
Who's the GOAT? Not important.
Kobe was our millennial MJ, I just love seeing that connection.
John Stockton pulling up with the family minivan for Game 6 of '98 finals
It's rare you see a game lost before it starts, but this is probably one of those instances.
Imagine the car ride over with his kids just wreaking havoc in the backseats. You're about to play Micheal Jordan in the finals and your son is screaming about the goldfish crackers he dropped into the seat cushions.
I respect the family man mentality, I'm just caught up on the idea of Scottie or Mike seeing him shuffle out of the soccer-mom-mobile. I'd probably be on the other side of the fence if the Jazz had won, might've even bought a minivan for that clout.
I'm rolling up in a tank if I'm playing MJ in the NBA finals, anything less than that seems offensive.
Favorite instances of losing games before they start:
Kyle Kuzma wearing a mesh top underneath his suit jacket.
Brandon Jennings claiming his Bucks team would beat the Bosh/Wade/James Miami Heat in 6 games.
Dwayne Wade and Lebron James mocking Dirk Nowitzki's illness in the 2011 finals.
Black Jesus
Shutting up Reggie Miller isn't an easy thing to do.
"Be sure you never talk trash to black Jesus like that." after pouring in 44 points on a rookie Reggie.
Where do you even go from there? I'm probably burning my own jersey.
What's really underappreciated is how much of a run the Pacers gave the Bulls in '98. Reggie kept coming back, and almost got the job done in 7 games.
Not many went toe to toe effectively with black Jesus after being drop-kicked in the first match-up.
The locker room/team shots
These fools are cracking some Miller Lite's in the team room after the regular season finale.
Mike endlessly berating Scott Burrell while he just smiles and cracks jokes back.
The entire Bulls squad running out of practice to make a tee time in the most "school's out for summer" way possible.
Mike sitting on Ron Harper's lap because there's barely any room in the golf cart.
Mike losing multiple games of quarters to his permed mullet security guard. (John Wozniak, but no one will remember that anyways)
Patrick Ewing coming to congratulate the Bulls after losing to them in the East finals, and MJ asking him why the fuck he's here.
Jerry Krause dancing on the team bus after finally beating the Pistons in the playoffs, just like the good old days when he was truffle shuffling with the Goonies.
MJ gambling in the $2 hands on the team plane with his bench boys Kerr, Buechler, Wennington. Say what you want about his gambling problem, but I'm sure those dudes liked him a little better after taking a couple of bucks from him.
That's really what my favorite part of this entire series was, seeing how the Bulls truly operated backstage. Are they that different of a team? Hell no. The shots we got of the '98 season related to every single locker room I've ever been in. Practices are obviously a different case, but I never thought I could relate personally to a championship squad like I did. It makes you miss those moments, just the simple locker room tom foolery between you and your brothers.
That realness and simplicity is why the Last Dance was such a hit. Everyone loves the omnipotence of Micheal Jordan and the Bulls, but that's so far from a reality we as regular human beings have.
Every basketball player has been in a locker room where you sit down after a practice or game, debrief and bullshit for an hour about what just happened, and go grab a drink later.
We may never understand the true mentality of Micheal Jordan as basketball players, but we can relate to a Bulls squad that displayed those quintessential basketball team tropes, all while working towards something bigger than themselves.