Quelle surprise means "what a surprise" in French. You're welcome for the free lesson.
The idea of "quelle surprise" is the sarcasm behind this French phrase, and if what is being said is actually a surprise or not.
NBA players may be labeled surprisingly good, or surprisingly bad. This would be based on ideas like previous years stats, preconceived notions of a certain player, or whatever shitty journalism oatmeal Stephen A. Smith is feeding you.
This season has had some serious shock value, and I want to go over some players and/or player related issues that have been labeled "surprising" on some level.
So what we like to do on this blog is filter through bullshit, so we're going to go through some player stats/storylines that have caught some folks off guard. That way we can determine if you're living under a rock, or if it's genuinely a surprise.
I want to try and represent how media bias can make you believe certain things about a player. Whether that's someone who's being talked about way too much, or not talked about at all. It's about doing the minimal amount of research, because every single basketball question you have has a form of an answer.
It's never been easier to say absolutely anything about an NBA player, and for that "hot take" to gain some weird twitter traction. There's literally a dude with the twitter handle "Ballsack Sports" who baits journalists into using quotes that are hilariously forged.
Ballsack. Fucking. Sports.
All you had to do was read the handle, but journalists have become so hungry for headlines that they'd rather report first, and fact check later.
Evidently, we need to do this fact checking. And not the fact checking your white suburban trust-fund parents do on Facebook.
Javale McGee's Season, Quelle Surprise?
Not a surprise, and hasn't been one for awhile.
Ok here are Javale Mcgee's stats this season for the Phoenix Suns:
10.0 ppg
7.1 rpg
1.5 bpg
65.4 FG%
24.22 PER in 16 minutes per game
2.6 Win share
1.6 Real plus-minus
That PER is insanely high for someone getting bench minutes, so I decided to dig a little deeper into how Javale's season was REALLY going.
These are Javale's stats per 36 minutes:
22.6 ppg
15.8 rpg
1.8 bpg
The narrative I want to change here is that Javale is a comedy prop on the basketball court. He's not, he never was, he never will be. Unfortunately most of our eyes were drawn to "Shaqtin a fool" episodes throughout his career.
You might think that's harsh, but I immediately recognized what my own thoughts were during that period. I thought Javale was an incapable goofball, because he was presented to me as one.
In reality, Javale is the best backup centre in the league right now, and having one of his best seasons ever. Give the man his flowers, because you know Shaq won't.
He's an extremely valuable roll man in today's NBA, and has proven his worth on multiple occasions. The narrative has remained the same though, he's just there because you couldn't get anyone else.
In the 2019-2020 NBA season, The Lakers had Javale on their championship squad. When there's been opportunities to bring him back to the Lakeshow, management has gone with someone else (Dwight Howard).
Javale's stats per 36 minutes in 2020 with the Lakers:
14.2 ppg
12.3 rpg
3.0 bpg
63.7 FG%
4.7 Win share
19.7 PER
He's been doing this shit for awhile, but it's ignored more than the end slices of a bread loaf.
A 4.7 win share is incredibly high for someone who was only playing 16 minutes per game in 2020. He had more blocks per game in this specific season, and a higher defensive plus-minus.
Why were the Lakers blind to his value? It's insanely confusing that they never actively went to get him back. Especially with the pace of play getting so damn high, the mobile and long big man's value is also just as high. He also came for a discounted veteran price to Phoenix, meaning the offer sheet was either non-existent or dismal on the Lakers side.
Javale's impact on a game is easily measurable, but no even tried?
To be fair, I'm not exactly sure what kind of strings Lebron is pulling behind the scenes. Advanced stats can't exactly explain why they grabbed Russell Westbrook.
Lance a'Make Em Dance, Quelle Surprise?
Who could have possibly predicted the Lance Stephenson + Indiana Pacers revival tour? Best surprise ever.
Covid protocols forced teams into signing everyone and their dog to a 10 day contract, and this has provided us with some absolute banger signings.
Boston was underwhelming to start this season, so management said "Can we slap some Joe Johnson on this?" and the answer is always abso-fucking-lutely. Miami asked Mario Chalmers to come back as well, it's a weird nostalgia year.
Nothing more nostalgic than Lance Stephenson being an absolute magician on the Indiana Pacers. He had a 30 piece on Brooklyn, followed by 16 points and 14 assists on Utah.
He had 20 points in 6 minutes to start the Brooklyn game. I don't know how else to address this besides it being a goddamn movie. It's 2013 again where Lance has 5 minute spurts of being the best basketball player in human history.
I understand this is partially due to Indiana not being that incredible this season. Who actually cares though??? It's like Stone Cold Steve Austin's music hit the speakers and out comes that bad man Lance. Broken glass, Beer, Rattlesnakes and buckets. Stephenson 3:16 say's Jeff Green's ankles are still under repair.
Long live that ear-blowing maniac.
Everything to do with The Brooklyn Nets, Quelle Surprise?
Yeah I don't think anyone really expected James Harden to leave in the middle of the season. I don't really feel like digging into that though.
It's ok, KD and Kyrie is more than enough.
LOL.
They lost in the first round to Boston 4-0. Again, somewhat surprising, but not unbelievable.
Brooklyn honestly played those games like they were an accurate 7th seeded team. They didn't defend at high level, and the Celtics terrifying defense even momentarily spooked Kyrie and Kevin Durant into forcing shots or making bad passes. Boston's big man rotation is the best it has been in awhile with Williams/Horford/Theis playing exceptionally well on both ends. The difference maker has been Brown/Tatum/Smart on that defensive end, Jayson Tatum played the best defense I've ever seen from him in a 4 game stretch. Marcus Smart was his usual rabid Tasmanian devil self, and Jaylen Brown has low key always been a bit of a stone wall.
On paper, this is surprising.
If you watched the games, Boston just looked significantly better? Which could in fact be the real story. In terms of appropriate role players on Brooklyn's team, Seth Curry is one of the few that seemed to actually work out. Patty Mills was great for when Kyrie was out but not so much when he wasn't. Drummond/Griffin/Aldridge aren't exactly defensive specialists or super mobile anymore. They have some young raw talent (Cam Thomas, Day'ron Sharpe, Nic Claxton), but no one ready for playoff roles. Harden gave them a nice extra offensive cushion to help firefight some teams, but their core problems would have still been there. In my eyes, they would've hit their ceiling without a ring this season no matter what.
Sidebar : Have you guys ever noticed that Kyrie formats his tweets like the lead antagonist in a murder mystery movie? If you translate his tweets they usually say something "The media is garbage and biased", but he words it like an 18th century British scholar.
Poole Party, PTSD, Splash Family, Whatever. Quelle Surprise?
Huge Surprise, extremely rare for someone like Jordan Poole to take two MASSIVE steps in one season alone.
Most folks believe he was snubbed of Most Improved Player. Which is a fair assessment (12 ppg to 18 ppg). They most certainly should have considered Ja Morant as an MVP candidate instead of an MIP one, a very weird decision on the NBA's part. The real MIP was Tyrese Maxey? Everyone seemed to miss that?
Either way, JPoole went absolutely loco this season when one of the Warriors big 3 was sidelined. The most impressive part of his campaign is how he's been playing in the playoffs?? It's rare that players who recently experienced significant regular season growth come extremely prepared for playoff basketball. He must've been counting down the days on his calendar for this, Jordan is committing straight atrocities on the basketball court at the moment. His averages through four playoff outings (the first four of his career) include 24.3 points, 5.8 assists and an insane 59.6/51.9/84.0 shooting splits.
Jordan spent a good amount of time with the G-league Santa Cruz Warriors in his first season. In his second season the Warriors were hella injured, and therefore, complete dog water. He received some serious minutes because of this, and I know that experience likely taught him how to prepare himself and find an effective role moving into next season. Playoff Poole doesn't really have time for all that role player bullshit though.
That's actually a joke, he went 3/10 from the field in game 4 and still had 9 assists and 3 steals. That's filling a role when shots aren't falling.
Considering everyone who talks about the NBA Draft said Poole was a big ol' bust, maybe shove this one up your ass NBA journalists.
Pelicans and Spurs passing the Lakers for playoffs spots, Quelle Surprise?
I would LOVE to say that I thought the Lakers were going to be hot trash this season, but I had some faith in Lebron making it work.
Anthony Davis was not healthy for the majority of the season, which really can't be surprising at this point. Lebron missed a good chunk of time as well.
Here are the main issues with the team the Lakers created.
You essentially asked Russell Westbrook to not be Russell Westbrook by putting him off the ball consistently, so why did we even go after him? Scapegoat isn't one of the 5 positions in basketball, figure it out guys.
You had to make room for that massive contract, which emptied out all of your bench and valuable role players (KCP, Markieff Morris, Javale McGee, Kyle Kuzma). Management also allegedly offered Alex Caruso a bag of Twizzlers with a flat Diet Coke over 5 years with a player option, so he went to Chicago where they offered him physical cash.
NO shooting, the main issue with the Russ-led OKC teams was not surrounding him with perimeter threats. So now you have Lebron or Russ spotting up off-ball for each other when they've NEVER been in catch and shoot situations.
Hindsight is 20/20, but paying Talen Horton-Tucker also kept them from signing shooters they desperately needed.
Ok enough about that LeGM failure of a team.
The Pels really started to turn around their season after acquiring CJ McCollum, a combo guard they desperately needed. New Orleans ended up being top 10 in offensive and defensive rating for the last 33% of the season. Then they started one of the lankiest line-ups you'll ever see, with Ingram/Jones/Hayes/Valanciunas as the players around McCollum.
This team ends up being pretty dynamite on paper, considering Herb Jones is the best rookie defender I've likely ever seen. It's a pretty air-tight starting line, and then to have Trey Murphy and Jose Alvarado playing big minutes off the bench also as rookies.
One healthy Zion Williamson makes this team terrifying. Willie Green is clearly the correct coach to have in charge, New Orleans really turned an awful off-season into gold, you love to see that.
The Spurs are not as electrifying as the Pelicans, but Dejounte Murray backpacked this team into a 10th seed against all odds.
21.1 ppg
8.3 rpg
9.2 apg
DJ is a smooth and savvy triple double artist. Considering the Spurs young core is consistently undervalued by the media, they showed out when they had too. Keldon Johnson, Devin Vassell, and Josh Primo all ended up looking like future successes by the end of the season.
You really have to do your best to keep up with Spurs, due to the mainstream media regularly ignores them. They are regularly passed up for headlines like "Lakers lose again!!" or "Who are the top 10 players in the league right now?? I know we did this last week Shannon but IT CHANGES OK?? IT'S MY TURN TO TALK SHANNON".
I will always root for young talent winning games.
Scottie Barnes Rookie of the Year, Quelle Surprise?
Let me start this off by apologizing, I was certain that Jalen Suggs was the correct pick for the Raptors to make. That was the dumbest shit I've ever said, Scottie is exactly what Nick Nurse and Masai Ujiri were looking for. He fits the Raptors ideal defensive schemes, and is a bit of a swiss army knife on offense, he does a bit of everything.
15 ppg
7 rpg
3 apg
50% FG
Cade Cunningham and Evan Mobley were both acceptable candidates as well. Scottie and Evan obviously contributed to more wins for their respective teams, I believe that's what it came down too. Scottie was thrown in the fire right away, and looked like he'd played with the Raptors for 5 years. His overall game sense is magical and he has an extremely high motor. He's going to keep getting better because of how he plays.
I ended up being correct about Malachi Flynn not being ready for the backup point guard minutes, but Scottie showed an ability to play positions 2 through 5. When Fred Van Vleet was injured they could still manage with having Siakam or Trent Jr. run the offense, they knew what they were doing from start to finish.
I'm still left wondering why Scottie Barnes was coming off the bench in college? Despite him having awesome flashes, it wasn't enough for me to really get a good read on his ability.
Alright so I hate not covering my bases here, so we're stepping into quick fire rounds of Quelle Surprise.
The Bulls going 0-17 against the top 3 teams in each conference
Surprising, considering a couple of those were close games. The injuries to Lonzo Ball and Alex Caruso killed their ball movement and on-ball defense a bit. The Derozan/Lavine combo isn't horrible defensively, but they could use another solid wing or power forward to clean that up.
The Dinwiddie - Porzingis trade
Extremely surprising, but Dallas noticed something we didn't. Dinwiddie ended up fitting perfectly, Jalen Brunson showed us why he was the College athlete of the decade, and Dwight Powell anchored an excellent defense. It became very apparent that Porzingis wasn't filling a need for Dallas. He wasn't exceptionally mobile on defense and is a very niche offensive player. Which means he fits a lot better with Washington's current run and gun style.
Utah failing in the playoffs again
Not surprising. Dallas exposed their individual defense by just isolating to get in the lane with Brunson/Dinwiddie/Doncic. The exact same issue they ran into facing the Clippers last year. Donovan Mitchell is a volume shooter, when they kind of need him to be a shot creator or primary playmaker. This specific squad keeps smashing their heads on the concrete ceiling they've hit, as Lakers fans have already started photoshopping Mitchell into a purple & gold jersey.
That has to be the one of the worst uses of your time in human history, photoshopping Lakers jersey's onto anyone and everyone.
The Memphis Grizzlies
Desmond Bane and Ja Morant collectively increased their points per game average by 15, and Jaren Jackson/Steven Adams/Dillon Brooks anchor a great defense. Not surprising that they improved a ton.
Andrew Wiggins is an All-Star?
Listen ok, this was all fine until Golden state got Draymond Green into the all-star game as well. He ended up not playing, and giving his spot to Dejounte Murray who should've had the nod in the first place. Golden State did not deserve more than 2 all-stars, if they had left it at Stephen Curry and Andrew Wiggins, fair enough.
Wiggins averaged 18 points per game on 48% FG and 41% 3pt, undoubtedly his best season to date. I have no problems with him being rewarded for producing on a top team, but you can't excuse EVERYONE as an all-star just because of a solid win record. Draymond is Draymond, he deserves the recognition. However, having already received the benefit of the doubt on the Wiggins selection, putting Draymond in the game was ludicrous. One or the other, not both.
That being said, Wiggins made it happen man, so happy for my guy.
Minnesota celebrating the play-in win
Not surprising, Pat Beverly plays basketball like he's a cartoon character. I don't even know what that means but it makes sense right?
You have to be happy for a struggling franchise that has somewhat broken through. The fans were starving for any morsel of success, and they've already pushed their first round series against Memphis to game 6. Karl Anthony-Towns even mixed in some good games in this series, hope and patience Timberwolves fans.
The Tyrese Haliburton trade
I've been cussing an awful lot but what the fuck was this??
Tyrese Haliburton was arguably the kings only bright spot this season for long stretches. He was their best playmaker by a country mile, maintained a good plus/minus despite being on a struggling team, arguably the best future prospect on the roster.
Sacramento said give me Sabonis, Lamb, Divincenzo, and Justin Holiday.
?? I swear they already had 3 out of 4 of those guys LOL.
Sabonis is great, but he wasn't going to magically improve Sacramento, literally no ones done that EVER.
The Kings then had the AUDACITY to say "we're keeping Harrison Barnes in hopes of getting that 10th seed for the play-in".
My brother in Christ, you traded away your 10th seed bid, it ain't 2016 baby. Trade Harrison to a contender for PICKS, what kind of an organization thinks they're making money moves for the 10th SEED?? The Kool-Aid they've been sipping on in Sac-town is an afront to basketball, haunted house of lost souls and prospects.
Miami being the 1st seed in the East
Not surprising, when fully healthy they are a bitch to deal with. They've also gained a much needed 3 and D wing in Max Strus (of course he was undrafted, Pat Riley you evil genius). The dog pound they call a defense is still horrifying to play against, Kyle Lowry has also relieved Jimmy Butler of most of the primary playmaking duties. Barking intensifies.
Cameron Johnson not being in the 3 Point contest
Unforgiveable and disrespectful.
So we'll conclude this with my major award picks considering they were mentioned a couple times above.
MVP: Joel Embiid without broken thumb.
MIP: Tyrese Maxey
6MAN: Tyler Herro
DPOY: Mikal Bridges/Marcus Smart equally acceptable
ROY: Scottie Barnes, If Cleveland made playoffs, would accept Evan Mobley
COY: Willie Green because recency bias
GMOY: Lebron James
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